No more fight left

So many things to say about life, I just don’t care anymore. I go through my days without any enthusiasm, sleep way too much and just don’t give a damn.

I sometimes wonder if the meds I’m on are helping or hurting. (paroxetine and bupropion xl)

Anyone have any thoughts?

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I want to say

I want to say Shut up.

I want to say stop your bitching.

I want to say you are a mean spirited person.

I want to say no wonder people don’t like you.

I want to say I work harder than you.

I want to say try being nice.

I want to say F*** off.

I say it’s ok things will get better.

A retired florist’s take on Valentines Day…………..

Happy Valentines To All!

For many years I always professed to LOVE this day, truthfully I have never been romanced so, it all is automatic. As I use to see many men buying flowers, candy or sparkly jewels having them delivered to work, I got to feel the romance and get excited for that customer’s loved one.

This year is an interesting one, I purchased a simple chocolate heart ( $ 1.00) lol and paired it with a home made card. I guess after 30 years that’s good enough, I guess my man thought similar as I got nothing.lol   I didn’t think I cared until right now as I wrote it down, he has never missed one Valentines day in our time together, hmm.

Anyway enough about me I am interested in how others celebrate, so if by chance anyone actually reads this, please comment 🙂

missing you all

I have been scrolling through some of the blogs I read faithfully when I first joined this blogging thing…………..

Guess what? There are very few that have been faithful, and I am surprised. I thought I was the only person who starts something and never fails to let it slide.

I feel very guilty and then when I try to continue it just isn’t the same, anyone else have any thoughts?

End of days………..I don’t feel worthy

Hi, my understanding of the end of days is that the anti-Christ will arrive – men will be at war with one another-

It seems to me that killings are heard of so much now – I don’t remember it being as bad just a few years ago. Who has the right to take a life? I would never want to be the one to decide who lives or dies, someone who helps another end their life or even be the one to decide to end my own life.

In my own world God is the only judge, he will, in his own time be judging everyone and those who feel it is their job to make those decisions will be themselves judged by him.

I have often watched or read articles of others who have made similar choices and regretted them later. Why do people  put themselves in that position- is killing really going to make things better? Does forcing those who have other beliefs to change mean that mans belief is wrong, that how he feels doesn’t matter?

Everyone’s perception of what they read or hear could be totally different, so who in this world really knows? Why can’t we just live and let live, why is it so hard and why do people hurt people?

My whole life has been full of questions, why was I born? My birth mother hated me from the time I was conceived and left me without a thought to an alcoholic father (not my birth father) and a physically and mentally ill mother.  I do have bitterness inside me but what would violence to another person do- solve all my problems- I think not!

I am as screwed up as they come but killing another person…I just don’t know what makes people tick. I only hope when God does hold his court I am worthy of a place in HIS world.

Don’t comment on my writing ability which really doesn’t matter to me-

Hopefully someone will give me their take on what’s going on in this world we live in, or to agree that strange things are happening. Maybe they have always been happening and my sight has been obstructed.

2015 omg

Happy New Year everyone hope it brings to you a year of blessings and happiness!

Forget the resolutions just live your life, it’s going by so fast…………..2015 holy crap I remember thinking I won’t be alive in 2015..It is such a long time away. Yet here I am.

So much has transpired during my 53 years (soon 54!)

I sure don’t think I have accomplished very much during my life, I have grown as a person though. I think! Not near as bitchy or bossy as I use to be, and not afraid to stand up for others, my beliefs and things that are important not just drama.

No more sweating the small stuff- especially at work. For the small amount of money I make, I feel used, not appreciated and let down. The only thing I care about is the great friends I have made and find it hard to think of leaving them.

Who knows what is in store but I believe God has a plan for me … one day at a time right?!!